by John Cook
O man, how could this happen to me?!?! I had it all. A house, a
family, two dogs, money in the bank and a decent job. How could I throw
it all away!?!?! You! don't look at me that way man!! I know that I am
dressed in rags! I know that I don't look like I had a decent meal in
months! I need a shave, a bath and a new start! But it will not happen.
I am hooked man! There is no hope for me! I am a lost soul that God
himself (herself?) could not save. No, it is not something as simple as drugs, booze or gambling. It is Ambrosia Software!!! That curse of the modern era! That addictive software will be the end of the world!! No one is safe!! Bill Gates was outed last week with pictures in all the seedy tabloids! There he was, caught in his bedroom being unfaithful with the new IMAC, on the 23rd level of Mars Rising! And there on his desk top were Escape Velocity, Override and a beta test version of Cythera!!! I heard that they put him in a padded cell with a straight jacket and an IBM. When they checked in on him later, he some how managed reprogram it to use Mac software using only his toes!! He was already half way through Bubble Trouble and was babbling something about using Barrack to conquer the world!! The bad part is that he is not have as bad as I am!!!
It started out as nothing. I was a happy user of windows 95 when I went to work at Ambrosia Software. I thought "Okay, they make only for the Mac, no big deal. I will work my accounting magic, make the business more profitable and Andrew would be willing to over look that I did not own a Mac. I will say nice things about the unprofessional kiddie type programs that were the best that could be made on such a silly little system that could not even use the most advanced computer software known to man like windows 95. Just take the money and run home."
Yeah man, that is all I had to do. But it just could not be done!!! I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw Bubble Trouble. With in an hour I was hooked. I would find myself still at the office hours after I was expected to be home. Game after game after game. My wife became worried about of me. She thought that I was seeing another woman. If it was only that simple!! She came to the office to see if I was seeing someone, but there I was with my Mac, and she thought that I was being faithful. But I would be there night after night. Apeiron, Barrack, Mars Rising, Swoop and Override. It did not matter which game I was on. The thought of going back to those blood, foolish and unimaginative games put out by committee would send a cold stap of pain through my heart. How could I return to them when I had found games I knew that I was hooked. I knew that I needed help, but I could not stop.
My wife left me when she came in and found me looking lovingly at the screen saver that Matt Warlicke had on his Mac of a beautiful girl dressed like an IMAC computer!!! I tried to talk it over with her, but she and my son just locked me out and comforted our IBM clone system and told it that it did not matter that I left them for the better graphics of the MAC system, that they would find someone else. Someone that would love the windows 95 and not be tempted by the sexy form of the IMAC and lust only for windows 98. I was out in the cold, alone, scared and in need of a Mars Rising fix bad!!
I threw myself at the feed of my fellow employees. Jason and David. They would help me. Although they never even looked at the IBM clones, they knew how seductive the Macs were. They knew how unfair it was to expect someone to go back to the clones after see the easy controls and human friendly programs of the Macs. They had to know!! They did. God help me they did.
There I was on the floor begging like a man on his honeymoon. Please save me!! Please help me return to the straight, narrow ways of the clones. Help me return to the ways of the sheep! The ways of the ever changing frustration of the masses trying to figure out how to get printers and monitors and modems made by different companies that were expected to make work together, but never do. I need to be in touch with the 80 percent of computer owners that shared their challenge to understand what was different between windows 95 and windows 98 besides an extra hundred dollar upgrade charge. I needed to be saved.
And what did they do? These two that I thought were my friends, co workers and computer mentors? They graped me, tried me down and made me play Cythera. That was the end. Man can only do so much. My wife divorced me. She got every thing. I pleaded that I needed to keep just a thousand dollars to buy an IMAC and she could have all the rest. But she need the whole estate, both cars and 95 percent of my salary to upgrade the computer system and buy the complete microsoft library. I knew I was dead when I say the court clerk place her arms protectively over the IBM system in front of her.
So here I am. I still work at Ambrosia Software. Chained to my desk. My wife gets my pay check. I work like a slave for 12 hours a day just so I can stay very night and have my way with Maelstrom, Harry and the other additions. I have lost 100 lbs of weight, all my hair and most of my marbles. David just walked by and showed me the beta for the Mars Rising 2. He is holding it just outside of my reach to tease me. Jason is not to him, tell me that unless I find a way to get him to the Mac World convention at San Fran, I will never be allowed to see Ferazel's Wand!!! I don't know if I am cursed or blessed. If I live the life of the dammed or of paradise.
Wait!! don't walk a way!! Help me!! Save me!! I need another 3 Megs of RAM to use the new plug in for Override. It allows you to play Override as if you were in the World of OX!! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!