by Jason Whong

Ambrosia Times: I've seen you before. And who might you be?

Matt Walicke: There are those who call me... Matt.

AT: Right! Right! The pianist. The singer. The...

MW: ...Lone Musician of the Apocalypse! Think of me when you look at the night sky.

AT: Oh, good. Well. What are you doing here at Ambrosia?

MW: It's all a part of my plan for global domination... don't tell anyone.

AT: So, you are the Service Rep of legend? The one the prophets said would light our darkest hour?

MW: Yea, bring me your license codeless, those tormented by Captain Hector, the eager to play level 5 of Mars Rising, and they shall be fulfilled.

AT: Looks like things are good, because our darkest hour wasn't very dark at all.

MW: Prophets ARE prone to hyperbole.

AT: So,

what skills do you bring with you that help you in this special quest?

MW: I sing, I dance, I can play "The Yellow Rose of Texas" on my throat... mostly though, I bring my clear, thundrous voice, my sparkling personality and my caffiene induced energy.

AT: Since money is obviously not your motivation, what is your personal reward?

MW: Free coffee, of course.

AT: You 've got a pretty mean ship in EV Override. Any reason for this?

MW: My ships not mean... just misunderstood.

AT: What is your favorite food to eat?

MW: Meat cooked over an open flame.

AT: And your favorite color?

MW: Hunter green.

AT: And your favorite minimalist composer?

MW: Toss up between Reich and Adams.

AT: And your favorite presocratic philosopher?

MW: Lao Tzu.

AT: Last one - your favorite shoe (not a pair of shoes, but a single shoe)?

MW: A pimp shoe with a goldfish bowl in the heel.

AT: All right! I'm told you've driven the Hummer before?

MW: Indeed, and I laid serious strip out on Park Ave.

AT: I wish he would let me drive it. But maybe I'm just a loser.

MW: I bet he'd let you drive it if you killed him and took it.

AT: Hey! This isn't about me. It's about you. Tell me your corporate mission.

MW: I'm sorry, that information is classified.

AT: And you play our games, too, right?

MW: You better believe it! I'm Archbishop of Apeiron, Master of Mars Rising, and Emperor of Escape Velocity.

AT: Ah. Well, unless you can think of anything especially interesting to say, I think it would be a good time to stop the interview.

MW: Something interesting, eh? Never say "Anyang Hashimnikka" to a Samoan. Most Samoans do not understand Korean.

AT: How interesting! Well, our time is up, and here comes the taskmaster with the whip! Duck and cover!