by Jason Whong

By now, many of you are probably accustomed to my tales of cool things that happen in my life: Romancing The Bank Lady, going to Cancun, and my personal war against spammers have been interesting to write about.

All of that has changed this month, as I have nothing to say. Absolutely nothing to write about. My life has become especially boring; I have had no social life in weeks because I have been preparing for MacWorld Expo, and redesigning the Times. So, instead of telling you how frustrating it can be to produce a CD and tradeshow presence in just under a month, I'll pass along some wisdom.

You've probably heard these before. But heed their meanings; they are more important than they appear.

He who slings mud loses ground.

Spending money is always good for the economy; whether it's good for your economy is another issue entirely.

There is always someone who knows more than you. Period. This may seem mathematically impossible, because the supply of people is finite. Well, pah. I know how this could be true. Maybe that makes me the one who knows more than you do!

Nobody is immortal. Not even those people that bite each other, claiming that they are vampires. You could probably kill them with a stake through the heart, but that would just prove to them that they are really vampires. Plus, killing is bad.

If your eyes are bigger than your stomach, you should become a referee - you'd probably do better than the people with normal human eyes.

If you're going to ask a girl to the prom, do it with style. I asked my model friend if she would go with me in jest. She went with me for real. People thought I had paid her.

If you're not going to fight for your country, fight for some other reason, such as people chasing you with guns. Better yet, wear a clown suit to a war. Nobody would shoot a clown.

A good pair of shoes is important if you plan to do any sort of walking. If you don't plan on walking much, and you are not disabled, you are lazy. Get up from in front of your computer and walk to a shoe store.

I think that one day during the year, people should refuse to patronize businesses that are not wheelchair accessible. Better yet, people should enter the store, complain vociferously, and leave.

I also think that buildings which are not accessible by wheelchair should not have parking spaces reserved for the disabled. That's just lame. Places like this should make up their minds about how committed they are to being accessible.

Everyone should sleep for a living. Astronauts are paid to sleep.

Speaking of sleep....It's time for me to get some.